I have had that happen before, but only on hardware that either had the wrong graphics driver installed (ie: one that worked but not the onoe that was optimised for the hardware) or when the hardware was just too old & although it worked, the refresh's etc were slow. That erase thing for instance, i still get on my old PIII test machine. The graphics are from a really old SiS onboard graphics chip, using shared mobo memory, so i'm not surprised, and although it's a pain, it doesn't bother me too much.
As i'm pretty sure that your hardware is up to the job, then maybe it's worth finding out if there's a better graphics driver that you could install?
With regards to what you mentioned about trying out different settings when starting xcompmgr, that's definitely worth a try. I think if you do a "man xcompmgr" that should get some info, or failing that have a look at
this thread. It's a couple of years old, but still very relevant.
I can't say that i've noticed the change in the Menu & Titlebar sizes that you mentioned, but i'll do a check "with & without" xcompmgr running & see if there's a difference. All in all, i have xcompmgr running on 4 different machines here, all with different hardware, and it runs fine on all of them, with the exception of the PIII mentioned above.
I'm away in the UK all of this week, so doon't have access to my other machines (only my laptop and this windows machine at my parents house!!)

..... but i'll do some research and digging when i get back home to see if i can come up with some helpful stuff. Let me know if you get any good results in the meantime?